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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25802998">Small Steps</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/neoqueentitania/pseuds/neoqueentitania'>neoqueentitania</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sword Art Online (Anime &amp; Manga)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Genderfluid Character, Pride, Trans Character, can you tell the theme got away from me a bit? oops., saoprideweek2020</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 11:54:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,924</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25802998</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/neoqueentitania/pseuds/neoqueentitania</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>She can scribble over the word, refuse to give it any significance, refuse to give it any attention. She could just sit there and do her homework and continue her life like she always had done. Or, she could embrace a new part of herself and come into her own again. Slowly, at her own pace - with a little help, of course.</p>
<p>SAO Pride Week 2020, Day 1 - Small Steps.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kirigaya Kazuto | Kirito/Yuuki Asuna | Asuna, Shinozaki Rika | Lisbeth &amp; Yuuki Asuna | Asuna</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>SAO Pride Week 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Small Steps</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I forgot this was meant to have a theme and I kinda shoe-horned it in at the end. Aha. I love trans Asuna okay? I love her. I love him. I love them. Whichever pronouns Asuna uses, Asuna is valid as heck.</p>
<p>Love, your friendly local SAO demiboy weeb. (me)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Asuna drummed her fingers against her thigh, tapping and tapping and tapping until she was certain there’d be a bruise in the morning. She stared down at her notebook, algebra notes neatly on one side of the page, a scribbled-out word on the other, black ink desperately trying to cover itself as if the word beneath it was sinful.</p>
<p>“It’s just a word,” Asuna whispered to herself, “A word. It doesn’t have to mean anything until I make it mean something.”</p>
<p>Her phone buzzing on the desk scared her, making her jolt in her seat. She might have screamed, she wasn’t quite sure. Her cat was staring at her weirdly, maybe she had.</p>
<p>“H-hey, you scared me,” she laughed, putting her phone on speaker.</p>
<p>“Scared you?” Rika’s voice was crackly from the bad microphone on her phone. Asuna had always joked about buying her a new one, but it was getting to the point where she felt guilty not doing so.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I’m just… dealing with some stuff. What’s going on, why the random phone call?”</p>
<p>“I was wondering if you needed notes, I noticed you spacing out in class today. Is everything okay?”</p>
<p>Asuna gulped. She hadn’t been subtle, then. </p>
<p>“Uh, I think I’m okay!’ She laughed nervously, “I’m good at maths, I can work it out without my notes. Thank you, though,”</p>
<p>Rika sighed, “Considering it was history class, I’ll bring my notes tomorrow morning. I can’t guarantee the quality, though,”</p>
<p>Asuna bit down on the lid of her pen. Was she seriously that distracted? It was a word. A tiny little word. Eleven little letters that shouldn’t have been deep-rooted in her brain like they were. It was a word. </p>
<p>“Asuna?” </p>
<p>“Here! Just…” She trailed off, then whined, “Okay, Lis, help me, please, I’m having a crisis,”</p>
<p>“Video call, right now. What kind of crisis? Cheated on crisis? Dumped crisis? Dumped because you got cheated on crisis? What am I helping with here?”</p>
<p>Asuna picked up her phone, turning on her desk lamp and switching on her phone’s camera. Rika’s face lit up the screen. She was also sitting at her desk cramming homework, which made Asuna feel slightly better about her current progression on her studies.</p>
<p>“It’s a different kind of crisis. A big, life-changing crisis.” She inhaled deeply.</p>
<p>“Oh crap, you’re pregnant? What are you two gonna do?”</p>
<p>“No!” Asuna scolded, “That’s not it. I’ve been thinking about myself a lot lately, and thinking about who I am and stuff, and I think I realised something about myself, and I’m scared.”</p>
<p>Rika nodded her head. She tapped her pencil against her lips while she listened, her face deep in concentration on Asuna’s words.</p>
<p>“Lis, I think…” Asuna’s voice cracked and she mentally cursed herself for being so nervous, “I think I might be trans,”</p>
<p>Rika didn’t scream like Asuna had feared that she would, there was no yelling, no tears, no accusations of anything shameful. Instead, she nodded her head once more and smiled softly.</p>
<p>“That’s great, I’m happy for you. Thank you for trusting me to tell me that,”</p>
<p>Asuna felt like a weight was taken off her shoulders. Maybe she’d worried over nothing, just a tiny bit. She was just the slightest bit over-dramatic. Of course Rika was accepting, she’d made moves on Asuna years before in Aincrad. Of course, at the time, Asuna hadn’t realised. Damn compulsory heterosexuality.</p>
<p>“Do you think Kirito might be mad?” Asuna asked quietly, and she was practically deafened by Rika’s snort of laughter, “Okay, that was a dumb question. But don’t be so loud, my parents are sleeping,”</p>
<p>Rika tried to catch her breath, falling into hysterics all over again. She made an attempt at muffling her laughter with her sleeve but failed miserably. Asuna had to turn her phone’s volume down as low as it could go just so Rika’s laughter wasn’t echoing around the room, which didn’t help when she was trying to avoid her parents hearing her up at four in the morning.</p>
<p>“Asuna, Asuna, Asuna,” Rika tutted, “You realise you’re asking if your boyfriend - who is literally trans - will have an issue with you being trans. I don’t have to spell out who ridiculous that is, right?”</p>
<p>Asuna rolled her eyes, then dropped her phone onto her notebook so she could bury her face in her hands. </p>
<p>“I get it, I’m being anxious over nothing,” she sighed. </p>
<p>“Asuna! Do you have any idea what time it is?”</p>
<p>Asuna jumped at the sound of her mother’s voice at her bedroom door. She apologised, saying she was helping a friends study, then said goodbye to Rika and locked her phone. Her mother Walked back to her bedroom and Asuna made her way to bed, texting Rika an apology.</p>
<p>‘Don’t sweat it, I’m falling asleep anyway. If you tell Kazuto, let me know how it goes. Sleep well, Asuna.’</p>
<p>‘I’m going to get some sleep too. Sleep well. And thank you in advance for the notes tomorrow morning.’</p>
<p>She set her phone down on her bedside table, rolling over in bed and closing her eyes. A few minutes passed and she rolled over again, fluffing up her pillow as if that would help calm her nerves. She rolled onto her back, letting out a frustrated sigh. She’d wait to talk to him in the morning. She only had a few hours to wait. She needed rest. </p>
<p>She rolled over one last time, shutting her eyes tightly and trying to think nice thoughts. Nice thoughts like her boyfriend being accepting, like her friends being supportive, like her parents being compassionate. She doubted the last one would happen easily.</p>
<p>Her phone alarm woke her up, a gentle chiming bell that alerted her to the fact she hadn’t slept. She’d been lying away for hours, worrying about every little way the conversation she needed to have with Kazuto could go wrong. What if she did need Rika’s break-up crisis advice after all?</p>
<p>Her morning routine passed by in a blur. She wasn’t even sure she was conscious for most of it. But she walked outside her house with slightly damp hair and a clean uniform, so she’d showered and changed, and she could still faintly taste an egg, so she’d eaten. Even if she couldn’t remember doing any of those things.</p>
<p>“Asuna!” Kazuto waved to her from out front of her house, holding out a hand for her to take. She placed her hand in his lovingly, then kissed his cheek before they started walking to school. Kazuto was going on and on about a new boss that was coming to ALO, and Asuna gave as many replies as she could manage. Her brain was running at a million miles a minute, video games suddenly the furthest thing from her mind.</p>
<p>“What if Yui doesn’t get it, or what if she hates me?”</p>
<p>“Huh?” Kazuto shot her a confused look, “What if Yui doesn’t get what?”</p>
<p>Asuna hadn’t realised she’d been thinking out loud and suddenly became very concerned of how much she had accidentally told him. She scanned his face to see if he looked concerned or upset, but he simply seemed confused by her seemingly random statement.</p>
<p>She took a deep breath. This was it. She was going to come out to him.</p>
<p>“Kazuto, sit down, I need to tell you something.”</p>
<p>“We’re in the middle of the sidewalk I can’t just s-”</p>
<p>“Please. Sit down.”</p>
<p>Kazuto dropped to the ground, the pavement uncomfortable on his butt, but he didn’t protest further. Asuna knelt down next to him. A few people walking past stared at them, but she tried to ignore it as best she could. This was important, strangers couldn’t deter what she was about to tell him.</p>
<p>Another deep breath. An increasingly nervous Kazuto.</p>
<p>“I… I think,” she gulped, “Kazuto, I’m genderfluid and I’m really scared and I already told Rika because I was having a breakdown over it all yesterday and she told me that you’d be supportive and I’m scared she was wrong even though I know you’d be supportive and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you first but-”</p>
<p>“Hey,” Kazuto put a hand gently on Asuna’s shoulder, and her rambling stopped so she could listen to him, “I love and support you, no matter what. If this is what makes you comfortable and makes you happy, it makes me happy too. You’re always gonna be my partner, and I want you to be comfortable with who you are.”</p>
<p>Asuna buried her head in his shoulder, she couldn’t tell if she was laughing or crying. Realistically, it was probably a mix of both. She pulled him into a hug, his arms wrapping around her back so he could hold her tightly, kissing the top of her head until she pulled back to look at him again.</p>
<p>“Is this the part where you call me a big dummy?” She asked, sniffling slightly.</p>
<p>Kazuto shook his head, “Nope. You’re learning who you are and I’m happy for you. Even if you are a big dummy,”</p>
<p>“H-hey!”</p>
<p>Before she could do anything to him, Kazuto gently took her hands in his, bringing them to his lips so he could softly kiss her knuckles. She loved him. Truly and unconditionally, she loved him. She knew he loved her the same. </p>
<p>“So, what name are we using for you now? How about pronouns? Can I take you clothes shopping after school? I saw this suit yesterday that you’d look amazing in,”</p>
<p>Asuna smiled, blushing like a tomato. He was supportive, if a little over-excitable.</p>
<p>“I haven’t really thought about that yet,” she admitted, “But if you don’t mind, can we look at some guys clothes after school? Nothing like a suit yet, I don’t think I’m quite ready for that yet. Some shirts could be nice, though. Maybe a pair of pants,”</p>
<p>Kazuto nodded his head, “You can take little steps, that’s fine. But, can we take some bigger steps off the sidewalk? Or else we’ll be late for school,”</p>
<p>“Lis was meant to be taking notes for me! Come on, we have to hurry!” Asuna practically dragged Kazuto along behind her, rushing down the street while her boyfriend tried to keep up with her.</p>
<p>They managed to reach the school gates just on time, and Asuna accepted the notes from Rika, hugging her and mumbling a million thanks you’s as she rushed to class. Though, she still didn’t focus much, her brain buzzing from her plans with Kazuto. </p>
<p>Small steps. A shirt or two, some pants, maybe some shoes at a later point. Short hair, a binder, the suit Kazuto had mentioned. Someone saying “they” and Asuna knowing who they’d be referring to. Confusing people by looking a little different each time they saw each other. Doubling the wardrobe, stealing all Kazuto’s clothes.</p>
<p>Asuna shook her head. Everything could come in time. For now, she was happy with taking her small little steps. She had no schedule to conform to - no gender to conform to - and she could take her time, finding the sweet spots with everything that made her comfortable. How she liked to dress, how she liked to be addressed, how she presented herself to the world.</p>
<p>For now, she’d keep taking her small steps. She’d get to her destination in the end.</p>
<p>She looked back down at her notebook - the correct subject’s notes written carefully across the page - and just below them, in swirling letters, a word she wouldn’t hastily cross out and hide away from again.</p>
<p>
 <i> Genderfluid. </i>
</p>
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